There are some seriously interesting people at the airport… You know them, you’ve seen them, hey maybe you are them!
From Security Gate Suzy to Food Court Freddie, on today’s episode we’re breaking down the magical creatures you’re bound to spot during your next trip.
And don’t worry, today’s show isn’t meant to be serious, we’re just having fun. So sit back, relax and enjoy some good natured laughs in the form of commentary on hilarious (and annoying) airport archetypes.
And if you aren’t sure what we are talking about- you will soon!
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Brett Bartholomew 00:13
Now I’m not clairvoyant, but I’d venture to guess the majority of you do not wake up and count your blessings as to how many amazing communicators there are on this planet. In fact, it’s likely the opposite give somebody enough time. And they can think of at least two people they know who seemed dedicated to making life miserable for others, whether it be not listening to them wasting their time, acting as if their way is always the right way, or simply never being willing to take the perspective of someone else in general. Now, this is why we created The Apprenticeship. The Apprenticeship is a two day workshop aimed at helping you better navigate power dynamics, difficult conversations, and really just finding more creative ways to get your message across. Because we all know how it feels when you’re doing your best work or trying to do your best work. But that doesn’t come across the way you intended. Have a difficult client? The Apprenticeship can help. Have a boss that can get out of their own way The Apprenticeship can help starting to wonder if you’re the issue and want some feedback from peers. Also the apprenticeship, want to bench 300 pounds, make a million dollars or learn the subtle nuances of spelunking, alright, not the apprenticeship. But the apprenticeship can help you learn everything else you need in order to be more effective in dealing with people and the challenges that come with them. Point blank period. Take Lauren Weggeman. For example, Hey, Lauren, I know you’re an avid listener. So I hope you don’t mind this. Lauren is an executive coach and the head of training at mind maven, which is an executive coaching firm, focused on helping leaders improve time management and efficiency, amongst many other things. Lauren came across us about a year ago. And I appreciate her honesty in terms of her saying that, due to knowing that I had a background in sports performance, she initially feared that what we taught was going to be about strength and conditioning or training athletes.
Brett Bartholomew 02:02
But after talking with our staff, Lauren realized our work is not strength and conditioning centric at all, but rather nearly entirely focused on human behavior, psychology, and strategic communication tactics that span all avenues of the professional setting. Whether that’s your relationships with peers, learning how to better speak the language of those that met she leads and guides in the executive space, and also just really enhancing her understanding of how others, quote unquote, play the game via power dynamics and how they leverage power on a daily basis. So whether it’s folks like Lauren, members of the California Highway Patrol, owners of nonprofit organizations, business owners, and even leadership from Chick fil A, yeah, I got your attention now, don’t I? We have had a wide variety of people that have came from all across varied industries, to work with us. Our work is entirely centered around the vision of us wanting to enhance the way the world interacts, when it matters most. That’s it. So go to artofcoaching.com/events right now, to learn where we will be this year. No excuses. Nobody has an abundance of extra time and money laying around. I know I’ve heard it. I’ve used excuses myself like that. Just look yourself in the eye and ask if you have the room to improve if you have a desire to improve. And if the answer is yes, then just figure it out. We’re here to help you we can meet any budget and we’re happy to answer any questions email firstname.lastname@example.org For more information, okay. Also big thank you to our sponsors, including element element is a science backed electrolyte drink mix with everything you need and nothing you don’t. The formula is super high caliber plant based. No sugar, fillers, gluten, any of that nonsense. It is literally the first thing I drink in the morning. Why? Because I always wake up dehydrated especially this time of year I have horrible allergies so I end up like mouth breathing in my sleep. So I wake up and I’m like, you know just have like the worst dry mouth and I absolutely tear through them when I’m traveling and speaking. It is not an overstatement to say that without hydration support. I would be in deep trouble with as much as I both speak and sweat. I’m not a hype man. This is absolute hydration you can trust claim your free sample today you only pay $5 for shipping in the US by going to drinklmnt.com/aoc for art of coaching again, drinklmnt.com/aoc. Also, DFND. DFND is the official outfitter of art of coaching. Their compression wear is engineered to help everyone who loves to train and compete, go harder, longer, recover quicker and get better faster. Most people think that the other top fitness brands make compression gear but really it’s just spandex mislabeled as compression. DFND’s fabric is two and a half times stronger and lasts twice. As long they’ve been tested and adopted by special forces units throughout the military, and as being standard issued garments for all branches of the military. Learn more by going to DFND USA. That’s DFNDusa.com. And make sure to use code AOC 20 to get 20% off your order
Brett Bartholomew 05:39
Welcome to the Art of coaching Podcast. I’m Brett Bartholomew. And at a young age, poor communication nearly cost me my life. Now I help others navigate the gray area of social interaction and communication so that they can become more adaptable leaders regardless of their profession, their age or their situation. So if you’re the no nonsense type who appreciates frank conversations, advice you can put to use immediately, and learning how others and navigate sticky situations, people problems and other obstacles, you are in the right place. So stay with me. We’re excited to have you for another episode.
Brett Bartholomew 06:16
Okay, guys, let’s get into it. I am grateful that you’re joining us. And this is an episode where you get to kick back a little bit and absorb the content in a different way than usual. Now, what does that mean? I’ll elaborate in a moment, but let me detail the why. First, I’m going to qualify what I’m about to say next, by making it clear that like you, I appreciate podcasts, I mean, obviously I have one, right, and I appreciate most of them. Unlike Twitter, Instagram or other forms of social media, which really serve as the McDonald’s of conversational quality podcasts are a far more context rich medium. And that means they allow really for more nuanced warmth and detail to be shared on a wide variety of topics, especially given the relative efficiency of the spoken word rate of speech.
Brett Bartholomew 07:03
And in my opinion, they’re also just far more personal than blogs or other vehicles where the written word is shared. Now, perhaps some books serve as an exception, when people decide to actually write in a transparent and convicted way. But the point is, is that there are some things that just are better over podcasts, right. And if I want to be devil’s advocate to that, there’s also some times where podcasts need a bit of a shake up, more of them could use a little bit of humor, a bit of levity. I think all of us could, especially during the last few years that we’ve had, and a bit of real life as opposed to always bombarding you with hours of information. I mean, there are podcasts now, that go three to four hours. I feel like there’s also some and many of which I enjoy at times that are overly edited. And there are these narrative formats that are really cool stories. Or, you know, there’s the ones that have the latest details about how some billionaire flavor of the month influencer starts their morning, but we just want to mix it up. And we’ve had our fair share of serious and detailed podcasts as well. So today, we are not going to fire a salvo of facts or tear jerking stories at you.
Brett Bartholomew 08:12
Today, we’re going to rebel and one of my favorite pastimes, people watching. Yeah, that’s right. That means that if you are most if you are like most of our listeners, and these are folks who have told us they tune in to the art of coaching podcast while they’re driving, walking the dog knocking out household tasks during the weekends or taking notes, they are free reflection guides. Today, you do not have to fret or rewind, if you miss that critical tip. Somebody said at 40 minutes and 15 seconds in today. All that’s required is a willingness to laugh, the ability to visualize a bit because there’s gonna be some interesting images in your mind’s eye and the conviction to send this episode to a friend or family member who also appreciates the oddities of people watching. So hopefully you’ll do that once you’re finished. We’re a small business and we appreciate that support. Oh, and I shouldn’t mention this. It’s not just your average everyday people watching we’re going to talk about we are specifically going to be viewing this wonderful pastime to the lens of people watching in airports. Now, why airports? Well, many reasons. But if I’m being completely honest, it’s partially because I’m in the midst of my busiest travel season as a coach, speaker and a consultant, which means that in some ways, if you’re a movie person, my life is kind of like George Clooney is from that movie up in the air. Now if you’re not a movie person, don’t worry, I still got you. It means that while some people consider eclectic coffee shops their second or third home, my second or third home during this time of year is any one of the 52 different airports I have been in since 2012. And for any fellow people watching enthusiasts, I just started there is no better place. Sands maybe I don’t know malls when they’re at their prime in the early to mid 90s. To watch human beings partake in the absolutely weird and borderline obscene things they do. From the person who decides the middle of the terminal, or jet Bridge is the ideal place to practice walking as slowly as possible. Good lord, I cannot stand slow walkers, to the person who decides a five hour flight from LA to New York, or really to anywhere for that matter, is the best time to randomly take off their shoes and socks so that everybody else on the plane can be graced with the sight of their scaly, nasty callous feet. Yeah, airports are official of indecorous behavior. But before we start, given the times, I need to get some disclaimers out of the way. Because as sad as it is to say they are necessary since some angry people exist out there who just love to create a false narrative or just want to be mad because it makes them feel warm inside. Or you know, there’s that quote that sons pay for the sins of their father heaven forbid, somebody finds his episode 20 years from now and uses it. I don’t know say that. I hate everyone. You know, the fact is people get mad or offended by everything and that might usurp sports and people watching as treasured pastimes if we’re not careful. So this episode is for fun only. I know that context matters. No matter how refined we all believe ourselves to be. Everybody, including myself have been that person that does something weird or dumb sometimes, and will probably do it again.
Brett Bartholomew 11:34
Despite how much I’ve traveled, I’ve been the person who accidentally sat in the wrong seat. I’ve been the person that gets up five times during a flight to move or to use the restroom. I’ve been the guy who went stuck in the middle seat acts like I’m not trying to win the armrest game. But the truth is when the person next to me Falls asleep, my arm just seems to find its way to more surface area. And yeah, I’ve even been the guy who in falling asleep on the plane accidentally straight up Judo chopped. The stranger next to me when I experienced a hypnic jerk, or a spasm, you know that thing that you get when you start to fall asleep. It is an exam. Like if you just stop and think about it and admit, right, and we know this, it’s an inexorable truth, that our state of mind our actions, all of this are a function of our life experiences, perceptions, biochemistry, and the situations we find ourselves in. We’re all imperfect. But you know what, if I can make fun of myself, we should all be able to laugh a little at our own nonsense as well. So let’s get on with it. And besides a sense of humor is part of a well rounded social intelligence, right like that. That’s what you need. So without further delay, I’m going to give you a non exhaustive sampling of the types of people you will see at the airport.
Brett Bartholomew 12:50
Starting with number one, the security line sloth, now this wonder of the world can be found seemingly dozing off in line at the security checkpoint, right? Like they’re in line at this to get to the security checkpoint. Like, we’re not even sure what kind of spectacle or bewilderment, we will have the good fortune to observe once they get to security itself yet. So think about this, and you’ll see it I know I’m traveling to the airport tomorrow, despite seeing the line moving in front of them. For whatever reason, they decide that mouth breathing into their cell phone is the core necessity of the moment, which really leaves the majority of us waiting behind them in line. If we should gently cough, you know that kind of scoot closer keep to ourselves, or just tell them hey, can you please move up. But in reality, what the majority of us are waiting for is for a member of the airport security to tell them I don’t know how lines of work conceptually. And that why they might get absolutely in gold in the latest episode of Cake Boss on their iPhone, or they might be looking at the nude that they were sent by their fiance. Time is of the essence and people gotta get where they gotta go.
Brett Bartholomew 14:00
Now, bonus points goes to the version of this individual and some of you know them, who decided to choose bravery today by wearing socks with Nike or Adidas slides or sandals, you know, the ones that look like they were found in the corner of the garage next to piles of kicked up dust, dust, maybe their old basketball, gym bag, cobwebs and old paper towels that fell out of the trash last winter, you know, but after being derided this person will typically show us how they feel about being told what to do by just sliding their bag which is of course on the ground, they wouldn’t want to pick it up with their feet while continuing to look at their phone and roll their eyes that you haven’t seen it. It’s a real treat. Even if you don’t have to travel just go witness it doesn’t cost you anything.
Brett Bartholomew 14:46
All right, moving to the next and really if I’m being honest, it should have been the first one since it’s your most likely encounter initially when you come in these cathedrals of travel. And this is the overwhelmed over packer, you can spot them in the baggage check or the baggage drop offline by both this eyes, and maybe just perhaps the volume of luggage they have. Now, to be fair, when I travel for our workshops, whether it’s our Art of Coaching Speaker School Brand Builder, our apprenticeship conflict resolution and persuasion workshops, I have to take a couple of huge bags with me like asinine ly huge. But that’s because it has the materials, right we have our T shirts, we have the folders, we have all this stuff for the 30 or some odd attendees, depending on the size of the event we’re running. But the overwhelmed over packer is different. These folks don’t just take everything in their house that they think they may use in general, they often take things along that they haven’t even used in months or years, just in case they need them. Nevermind you, they don’t even use them at home. But you never know when you’re going to need these things at the Canary Islands. And most of us know also that whenever we pack we rarely end up wearing or using the majority of things than we ever even thought we would. The best part though, the absolute best part is when they forget that there’s a weight limit. And nice. Once their bag is weighed, they scurry to just start re consolidating things from one massively overweight bag to another. And they do that with a fervor that literally rivals a marathoners final kick to the finish. They’re trying to get the code, they forget the code to unlock their bag, you know. And then bonus points also go to couples that realize that all their bags, all of them are nearly overweight. So then they begin fighting in the middle of it all because they can’t even move stuff from one bag to the next. And then the kid starts crying because they’re thinking about getting rid of the Mickey Mouse doll and all this that they want in Orlando. And before you ask, yeah, this is something I’ve seen a lot. I’ve also seen a dad telling his son, they’ll give them a new pair of rollerblades when they arrive to a wife literally just berating her husband that if he wouldn’t have checked his golf gloves, they could have checked another bag for free. I’m pretty sure I have straight up seen relationships and simply due to their baggage, get it. Alright, rough landing there. But let’s keep on moving.
Brett Bartholomew 17:11
Next, we have security gate, Steve or Susie, Now pay close attention here as there is one on every trip, or one and at least every three trips. So if you take a trip, you didn’t see him, take a couple more, I promise you this will ring true. That’s why I get to listen to this episode a lot. Now, these are the folks who despite passing by an endless array of signs telling them what to expect, and what they need to remove in going through security, that you know, they decide that they’re either not going to pay attention, or they’re going to be the risk taking rebel, their old x told them they’d never be And now’s the time. Now, the worst thing about these people is that they are present in the general security line, the TSA PreCheck line, and even in the clear line. And if you’re international, and you don’t know what those are, and this isn’t an insult to your intelligence, it’s just because the nomenclature I know is different. TSA PreCheck in the States, you don’t have to take out your laptop or take off your shoes, and there’s a few other things you don’t have to do. And clear is just biometric scanning. So clear is most even get you pass, you know, TSA PreCheck. And then there’s clear and TSA PreCheck, it doesn’t matter. But these people are literally there in every line, it doesn’t matter. And I call it the triumvirate of turmoil for that reason. Now in the general security line, they often forget everything from change in their pocket, their phone, their belt, their keys, I don’t know a metal arm that they forgot they had. And in pre check where you don’t have to remove your shoes again, just remind you, sometimes people decide that this means that they should wear boots with metal clasps and zippers and steel toes, or they didn’t realize their belt, you know, like whatever, like decided to sabotage them.
Brett Bartholomew 18:56
Now to be fair, if you follow me on social media, I had a situation that happened to me, I wear these boots that I hadn’t worn in forever. And I get stopped. And I did a whole post about this. They had to take my boots off, they had to swab them, they said that I had like a foreign agent in them or something like that, that they were concerned about. Then this guy, despite seeing me wearing the boots, said Sir, who packed your boots for you this morning. And it was confusing. I didn’t know if it was one of those tests. And I’m like, well, nobody packed my boots. I was wearing them. So then of course he proceeded to ask me, well, has anybody else worn your boots this morning? And I don’t know how to answer that one as well. You know, so I looked at him and I said, you know, not to my knowledge. You know, I woke up at 430 to catch my flight. These boots are mine. My family wasn’t in town. Now, as a matter of fact, I’m the only one that have worn these boots. And the questions just kept on coming. So again, I’ve been that guy. Now if you’re unclear you’d assume these folks have locked down right? I mean, if you’re gonna go through all that trouble, and me know free shout outs but I Am I a clear member clear, you should sponsor the podcast, you have to do all this biometric stuff, you have to pay them, you have to give them your firstborn son, whatever. This is like the upper echelon of travel to make sure you can get through security lines more quickly, or at least it used to be before everybody in the world knew about him. Well, it turns out that even if you do that, you’re bound to get the person who forgets that they have like a liter of cola, or two bottles of water in their Jansport that they forgot to remove. Now on the plus side, it is nice to watch in awe as some choose to channel the version of themselves that went to senior frogs and spring break of 1988 by chugging that water in front of everybody, instead of just letting the TSA toss it out or, or letting them dump it out. I mean, you literally wild people that are just like, I don’t want to waste it and they just go to town. That’s always you know, it’s a small pleasures really, when you’re traveling. Alright, taking a break for a moment for a quick sip. Now, if you made it through security, and this is in case, you’re you’re listening to this, you know, while on the way to the airport, or once you are in fact, past security, we can now start treating this like a true scavenger hunt.
Brett Bartholomew 21:12
Right. It’s a scavenger hunt, oh sapiens. And we’re going to continue on. Now you make your way to the gate, keep your eyes peeled for any of the following. Now the next one, the next archetype is fit a PDS. Now, this is named after the central figure in the story that inspired or inspired modern marathons. You know, it’s the guy that ran 26.2 miles from Marathon to Athens to deliver news of victory right before he died. But in this case, this individual is simply trying to get from one terminal to the next not from Marathon to Athens. Now despite their preternatural concern, they think they’re always gonna be late. They always seem to choose the worst possible attire to wear to the airport for cross terminal sprinting. And that’s, that’s really how you seem to be I mean, they’re just sprinting, or they’re weaving in front of it. And it’s like, Why did you wear that? You know what I mean? Like the airport, you know, this might be a situation, I get that maybe you don’t want to rock athleisure all the time. But you got to move, you know, you got to move. And so when they’re doing this cross terminal sprinting, despite all these things, it just, it’s not a good look. Now, you might see a version of fit a peds in line, or on the very flight, you’re on itself, when they say, Hey, you know, do you mind if I cut by My flight leaves in 20 minutes, and I gotta get 15 Gates over to make boarding. And of course, you let them because you’re a decent person. But then you feel your heart sink when you see that you got off the plane. And you see them at the Cinnabon, just smashing a sweet roll with the tenacity of a Mogwai that was fed after midnight, and you look at them, and you’re just like, really, you had to get off the plane for that, like I thought you had to board your flight. Now. Not saying that everybody that fits that archetype is doing that.
Brett Bartholomew 22:57
But there’s also some people that just do it, the stress mother write this one you have got to have sympathy for. And no, not because there’s some sort of damsel in distress or because they’re a woman. It’s because she usually has anywhere from two to five kids acting as if they literally inhaled the vaporize adrenaline prior to arriving at their gate. Usually, one kid will just be banging a tablet against a chair, maybe even on their siblings face. Another one will be gazing at you as if you are one of their like arch enemies, while their faces just smeared with chocolate or whatever the hell they got to the airport shop next to the myriad of neck rest pillows telling you to visit Denver again. Another one is breastfeeding. And then you know, the final one is three gates down banging against a window yelling at inanimate objects. These mothers or caretakers are absolute gladiators. And I have nothing else to say other than we salute you because that is I’m a father, you know, and my wife has to travel alone. Thankfully right now we just have one. But when I see any, any parent, just rocking it with five kids. I just go over and I’m like, Hey, thank you for thank you for your service, because that alone is that’s its own kind of interesting. We’ll just say gladiatorial combat right there.
Brett Bartholomew 24:17
All right, moving on. Food Court Freddy. Again, when I use a name or a reference the terms he or she I’m channeling Richard Dawkins, British geologist, professor of public understanding of science and his quote from his book, The Blind Watchmaker, where he says I may refer to the reader as he, but I no more think of my readers as specifically male, any more than a French speaker thinks of a table as female. And for the record that goes for all my podcasts, written works or outputs that I create going forward, just easier sometimes to give given archetype, a name. So now back to our friend, foodcourt Freddy, this person, you can usually See them and they’re gonna be they’re gonna meander, but I see them a lot gathering around the gate. Once you’ve gotten to your gate, you know, the black leather seat backs, and have the leathers torn off.
Brett Bartholomew 25:09
There’s somebody else like sleeping on it. They look like they’ve been there all day. But foodcourt Freddy is literally procured a veritable smorgasbord and choose it open mouth style, while they’re waiting for their flight to start boarding. It’s like it’s the last supper. And if you watch closely, you’ll notice while they’re just mowing down on whatever’s in their facehole, that their eyes are like darting back and forth as if the NSA is recording the sounds of their food mates. Or as if somebody’s just watching them on Candid Camera. And I always just wanted to like, dude, enjoy your meal. You got it? You know? No, nobody’s looking at you. We don’t judge. I mean, we kind of judge there’s a lot of food there. And I’m hungry, too. I don’t know why he made those selections, but just do it. Now if you’re really lucky. FCF Yeah, we’ve given them a short moniker now may not finish their food. Oh, yeah. This is when you’re really in for a treat. So that means when you board you get the pleasure of smelling their garlic fries in flight, as that aroma just permeates from C eight C all the way to the bathroom in the rear of the plane. So that’s a really good one, especially if you get a little motion sickness pairs really nicely. All right. What do we got here? Moving on in the list here. Let me see. Let me see.
Brett Bartholomew 26:19
How can I forget the Rainmaker. Now this is a nod to a term given to people who make things happen, or close the big sale. But in this case, Rainmaker is just really my description of any diehard business traveler. You know, the type that feels the need to bloviate about the deal that Howard blew while in Houston. The reason the company retreat in Phoenix was a waste of time, or what Sally from Stratton brothers said about Dawn from differed and sons, and for some reason they decide to save these conversations for when they’re in a mass transit space. where music is playing, babies are screaming, and some guy keeps mispronouncing someone’s name over the loudspeaker because they left their blue baby carrier at baggage claim. Using the bathroom before catching your flight Rainmaker don’t care. They have their brand new air pods jammed several inches too far into their ears. The volume is literally just leveled up to deafening and their high end carry on is ready to take out anyone who gets in their way while they scream about who should be sending out an email about the next company all hands meeting so they can meet their quarterly goals. Go on and get Rainmaker. I’m telling you, they will take you out and they just scream, the scream as like just those conversations. And I thought about it a couple of times, I’m just like, I want to ask them more about the situation that’s going on, especially because we do more of that in the corporate space. I want to be like, hey, you know, like we do this, but I just let it be.
Brett Bartholomew 27:52
All right, what do we got next, we have outlet, Vaughn outlets, and I’m pretty proud of this name. Now, this gift, this gift of stealth and Seenu always gets to the power outlets at the airport first. And they just camped there for an eternity. Even though we all know after about a half hour, your phone is pretty much recharged as long as you’re not playing all the games, and taking all the selfies at once. In fact, they may be the reason that companies like anchor started making those portable charging banks to begin with. But even when you think you have them be on that angle by packing your own cell phone charger and power banks. These energy goblins will then immediately plug in their computer, only to then get back on their phone and continue doing a whole lot of nothing. I am serious. Now staying with me good because these next ones are gonna be a little bit shorter. So make sure you’re still checking them off that list. The Academy of asinine behavior also wants to give a shout out to the following the power recliner, no matter how short the flight, they’re going all the way back computer in your hands, eat it Mama needs her sleep.
Brett Bartholomew 29:09
Then a What amazes me is Listen, I’ll recline a little bit, you got to recline just a bit, I had back surgery in like 2015. I gotta I gotta recline. But I always slow. I kind of let them I give them a little am coming. You know, I’m coming back here a little bit. And I’m like, Ah, and then I only go maybe a quarter of the way quarter is a lot of recline. Really, if you’re honest about it. And it’s a rare occasion I do that. But for the people that just decide to treat it like I don’t know if many of you, my colleague Ali will get me on get get on me about this. But if you’ve seen saving Silverman, Jack Black is trying to give his friends I don’t know fiance’s chair. And he’s like, Oh, Ethel and I have been through a lot of games. Go ahead and sit here and she sits in the Lazy Boy and it just reclines in full and she falls and gets nachos all over and it’s great because she’s super stuck up and Jack Black’s like, oh my god, I’m sorry. I fixed it. Yep. It’s the lug nut. I mean, that’s what happens, these people just launch back. It’s aggressive. It is the reason now I felt like I let somebody down. Because they asked me if I work a lot on planes. And actually, I don’t, and not because I don’t want to. But because I am terrified. Because it almost happened one time, I had one of those Microsoft Surface things. And somebody just about launched into it, and took out and I’m just like, You know what, me getting like a little bit of work done on this flight is not worth basically eating an $800 $1,000. Laptop. So screw you the power recliner, not a fan.
Brett Bartholomew 30:35
Oh, shout out to one of my friends, John. He hears great tactic when somebody does that. Now this is an aggressive maneuver. So make sure you’re ready for the consequences. If you’re on a night flight, and somebody does have the power recliner thing. The only though you can send a subtle message because if you turn on the reading light, right into their eyes, right, right into their eyes. And this is only if that person literally like their heads in your lap. And even if you try to get up to use it, like that person knows what they’re doing a little light in the eyes, maybe good for them. I think Andrew Huberman, you know, he would agree gotta get that light in the eyes earlier. So Alright, moving on from that, but that one is one of the the worst.
Brett Bartholomew 31:14
The next one is captain. It’ll fit. Now, Captain, it’ll fit and it’s more like it will fit. I don’t want you to think how do you spell this? I wouldn’t want anybody confused. And you know who you are. You’re aggressively trying to smash your luggage in the overhead compartment despite the fact you also know that you bought the wrong size luggage? Or you’re sitting 12 miles back and your luggage doesn’t go there? Also, why does your luggage always smell like action figures I found in my grandmother’s basement, get some new luggage, get some decorum. Don’t try to smash it back there. It doesn’t go there. Now you do get a pass. There are some times you got a plane. I think one time I did go to like Boise, right, you’re on that small little connecting flight. And all of a sudden, it’s like that overhead bin just shrunk. And even if you just have a backpack, you’re like, Oh, let me try to get and it doesn’t, doesn’t really work. And then the flight attendants look at you like you’re the problem. Like you should have known the plane to Boise didn’t have that. And you’re like, I don’t know, can you guys make this standard? It’s very confusing. So you do get a pass if that’s the case.
Brett Bartholomew 32:15
The next one is a little bit of a newer one. And it depends on the airline. The screen pecker it’s kind of like a woodpecker. Now, this magnificent sobriquet is reserved for the Succubus who thinks that aggressively pecking the screen on the seat in front of them, you know, the one that shows the movies and the live TV and all that will somehow get them extra points. I mean, I’m, I’m sitting there the other day, I’m just like, my head starts bouncing. And at first, I think it’s a toddler and again, as the father of a two year old, I’m like, whatever, have at it, kid. You know, I mean, get crazy. But then I look and this lady just like squinting, and she’s just pecking, pecking, pecking, nope. Don’t want to watch The Notebook. Nope, don’t want to watch The King’s Speech. Nope, don’t want to watch. And I’m just like, Alright, put on your headphones, chill on the peck, peck Peck just keeps coming. Right, and it’s not gonna, it’s not gonna get you extra points. As a matter of fact, it’s just gonna get you a healthy dose of standby. The minute I get up and go to the bathroom.
Brett Bartholomew 33:11
I think as a matter of fact, it could be a quick fix here. If we had a camera that showed people a replay of what they did while they were on their flight, it would cure a lot of this. So you know, the pecker lady or person, they would just see their face squinting and packing and it wouldn’t be a good look. They know that so they’d be less likely to pack, some people more likely to pack but either way. It’s like when you have your phone and you’re trying to like turn it around. So it sees you. We need that on flights so people can be held accountable for that. They’d have to sign a waiver, but God knows you’d probably sign enough waivers when you sign up for a flight anyway.
Brett Bartholomew 33:44
All right, moving on. Still subtle nod to the person who can smoke through four more mini bottles of booze while on a plane called them the cocktail connoisseur. Now, this could range from somebody that’s been laid over for what seems like three days and let’s be real, if that’s the case, they deserve a few on the house, or people who are on their way to their first vacation ever, and they don’t realize that a combination of jetlag timezone changes and a hangover are going to lead to a wasted day abroad. But I mean, we all have different definitions of vacation, don’t we? So more power to them. And also WTF mate to the person in the airport lounge who is always dressed like a fall catalog. Now whether it’s the cardigan and brogues, or a sweater vest on top of a flannel shirt that you know, compliment the Taupe pants and J Crew socks. Come on, dude, you’re not comfortable, and we’re not buying it. There’s no way there’s no push to get on a flight. You’re gonna be too hot. You’re gonna get too out. I’m all about looking professional. And I get it, you know, the fall, like but year round. You’re I mean, I’m in Atlanta. I’m in Atlanta to the busiest airport in the world. Fact check it, right. There’s an old joke that when you die, whether you go to heaven or hell, you’re going to layover in Atlanta, and the Atlanta airport is on Godley hot, not to mention the Atlanta like airport in like Atlanta, is just a humid place. And you’ll see these people I’ve never seen in my life, just how many people dress like It’s like 20 degrees outside. And it’s like you’re specifically dressed for the airport, aren’t you? You know, that’s, that’s a lot of commitment because you’re gonna get there. And even if you want to look good, when somebody picks you up, you’re gonna smell because you’re sweating and you’re warm.
Brett Bartholomew 35:23
Alright, two more, and I’m out of here, the non straight shooter. Now, despite the name, this one has nothing to do with communication. I know surprise coming from this podcast. This has to do with an offense that really should be punishable by a public shout out, or maybe even a timeout, maybe even a law by some sort. And yeah, it’s high time we address this guys. There are men out there who for some ungodly reason, cannot manage to hit the urinal or any target aside from the floor when they use the restroom. The minute you get up and you’re gonna go to the bathroom, you look and you’re like, what puddle Should I not step in today. And we pretty much had to institute a new rule on our house that like shoes immediately have to stay. There’s no walking in the house with your shoes. And is literally just because of the ungodly amount of like just ecosystems that we have to go through. And like the marshes, you have to wade through while in airport bathrooms. To put this in perspective, guys. If I continue at my same pace of travel, I will hit over a million miles flown in the next few years. And that’s, that’s not a flex, I’m just being objective. You’re right, I’m 36 at the time of this podcast, and sometime within the next three or four years, I may hit over a million miles flown. And I have yet to encounter turbulence. So bad knock on wood, that I couldn’t manage my aim or have the presence of mind to simply just hold my cards for a moment while while while the cabins a little shaky. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand it. Now mind you, this isn’t the male version of Bethany bird from mean girls. No guy has a flow so heavy, they shouldn’t be able to hit the target like an adult, I mean, the things the size of a large mixing bowl. Right, you should be able to hit it. Now I guess there is a possibility that the person with deplorable aim isn’t an adult or is impaired. In which case I’m clearly a bad person for haranguing children are the impaired. But you and I both know that that’s not how this is happening. It’s not how this is happening, there are people out there that just don’t care. And it gets a little nasty.
Brett Bartholomew 37:34
Now I’m saving the last talked a lot about passengers. I’m saving the last for the TSA agents and attendants that don’t always seem to have a lot of square footage in their happy space. Now, let me be clear, if you are a TSA agent or a flight attendant, all the respect in the world for you. I’m not talking about the ones that go and do their best day after day. And they’re really committed to it and they want to you know, they want to crush it. I don’t envy the work you have to do, or the things you have to put up with. But you’re still gonna get it. So we’re going to start with the TSA security line folks, specifically the ones that you can tell how just plain had enough of the human race in general, and to a point don’t blame me as well. I love the person. But when large groups of people get together, you can witness a level of intelligence that has all the depth of daytime TV. So that’s got to be just hard. Now whether it’s reminding people to take off their belt for the 100 native time or trying to explain to the woman with rhinestone sandals and on I love Vegas t shirt, why her cat cannot go through the X ray machine. You have to wonder what the average career span is of a TSA agent. You know, in sports, there’s that old cliche that for NFL players the NFL stood for not for long, given the league average career span being so low, I have to wonder if TSA perhaps really stands for tired, stressed and apathetic I do need to know but you know before the power, like how do I phrase this? You know, they will just they will rain down punishment on me for this one of they hear it so I just need to say I’m kidding. But man, the TSA, that can be a rough one. Now the best one being saved for last goes to the flight attendants who intentionally announce too late that the cart is coming through the aisle. So you know they always go Hey, watch your knees and elbows wham they just smoke you. Now these battering ram baristas I am pretty proud of that moniker. By the way. That’s the archetype. battering ram barista will stop at nothing to pay you back for not putting your seat and tray table into the upright position during takeoff and landing or free handing them a half eating cookie made of God knows what when they come through to pick up the trash. They do want to get you back. Now to make this more fun, because we do say this is an episode about tactics. Go to the bathroom and hanging out While the card is coming through, then watch you know you have the front facing views so you’re seeing the cart come at you. So then watch as they mercilessly take out some poor hapless souls ACL and smirk, as they say, watch the carts sir before heading back to the galley for some giggles, you’re gonna see at least three at every flight, you’re gonna see three. So, listen, I hope you enjoyed this tongue in cheek episode, I wanted to do something that was a little fun.
Brett Bartholomew 40:27
I mean, we’re, we’re well over 200 episodes. And every single one of these has gotten pretty deep, very tactical, we wanted to have a little bit of fun. So if you guys enjoyed this, even if you enjoyed half of it, make sure to let us know. And the good news is that this episode is one where the gift just keeps on giving in the sense that you can send it to friends or family that travel often, maybe even ones that are traveling for the first time. You can even play along with your kids or pals by making it a scavenger hunt, like I referenced earlier. If I missed one, and I’m sure I did, I’m sure I missed many. If I missed one, you need to jump in the art of coaching community on Facebook and let us know, if you’re not a Facebook person, I get it. Reach out to us the artofcoaching.com/question, that singular question. And there you can send us feedback, suggestions, maybe even gift certificates. Again, that’s artofcoaching.com/question. I hope you had a little fun with this. We’re gonna get back to the deep hard hitting stuff later. But we would love to do more of these things just to inject a little happiness, maybe a smile or two into your day, guys. Thank you for sticking with me. Until next time, support the show by leaving a review on iTunes or Spotify. It does make a huge difference for us. We’re a small company. We’re a small business and we’re dedicated and continuing to provide giving you guys free content that makes you think, laugh and hopefully live at a higher level. So for the rest of the Art of Coaching team, I’m Brett Bartholomew, and I’ll talk to you soon
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