E201 | How to Reach Out to Someone You Respect and Admire

You’ve been sitting on this draft for months. You want to hit send, but now you’re second guessing yourself… Why does reaching out to someone you respect and admire have to feel so awkward? 

Maybe you’re asking for a job and you’re afraid you’ll get turned down and the relationship will suffer as a result. 

Maybe you’re reaching out to someone who has the job of your dreams and you want insight on how they got there, but you don’t want to inconvenience them with trivial questions.  

Either way, you’ll leave this episode with confidence to not only send the email but assurance that you crafted a clear, concise message that the person you’re reaching out to will respect you for. 

In this episode:

• How to do your research prior to writing the email
• How to create a clear ask so your message is unmistakable
• How to choose the appropriate medium: email, phone, text, etc. 
• The 3 things the person you’re reaching out to wants to hear
• A sample email you can use a template for your next introduction 

Right now I’m offering signed and personalized copies of my book, Conscious Coaching for just $10 (50% off the Amazon price). Go to artofcoaching.com/book to get yours (supplies are limited)!

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Brett Bartholomew  0:06  

Welcome to the Art of coaching podcast, a show aimed at getting to the core of what it takes to change attitudes, behaviors and outcomes in the weight room, boardroom classroom, and everywhere in between. I’m your host, Brett Bartholomew, I’m a performance coach, keynote speaker, and the author of the book conscious coaching. But most importantly, I’m a lifelong student interested in all aspects of human behavior, and communication. I want to thank you for joining me. And now let’s dive into today’s episode.

 

All right, everybody, thank you for joining me for another episode of the podcast. This one is going to be another quick hitter, something super tactical real case study something that you guys can use today. Now, it’s all centered around this, how do you reach out to somebody whose career you admire, or maybe somebody that you want to work with, or want to work for? Now, to be clear, I’m not talking about this is how you approach a job interview, we have previous episodes on that. I’m talking about a very specific case study of an individual that I worked with, and they were in the medical space, I’ve changed names to protect their privacy, of course, on all ends. And in this situation, there was somebody that had created a business off of her career in the medical world. And they wanted to help other practitioners and navigate some of the complexities that that doctors, nurses and other health care providers and professionals face, not that in different from what we try to do at art of coaching, right, we even though my background is sports performance, our clientele is our leaders of all fields. We’ve had people in the military, we’ve had firefighters, we’ve had, yes, strength coaches, we’ve had sport coaches, we’ve had doctors and lawyers everywhere in between. But the gist is this, this individual had admired another person’s work for quite some time and said, You know, I kind of want a career like theirs. And I’d like to reach out to them, because I think that I’m probably not ready to do this myself. And I just kind of want to see if maybe they have an opening or if I could help them in any way just to get my feet wet. So they had reached out to us and just said, Would you mind kind of coaching me through this, this is the email that I sent them, could you give me feedback, right, and that was fairly overwhelming. 

 

Now, before we get into this, I do always want to honor our sponsors, because they’re the reason that we can bring this information to you guys for free. And, you know, we always encourage you guys just to show some support. Remember, we’re a small business on Main Street, if you can go to artofcoaching.com/partners, you are going to see the people that allow us to bring this to you. So of course Versaclimber literally the number one piece of training equipment that I recommend to people aside from sprinting and walking and hiking and things like that. And obviously you guys need to do whatever you love doing most but the Versaclimber by far is the most efficient full body conditioning based activity and apparatus. I know many of you love bikes. I know peloton and things like that are huge. And that’s great, whatever you’re going to do, but think about how much time you spend sitting already, the Versa climber will train you in a non dominant pattern and across dominant pattern rather. And climbing is just such an easy way to get high intensity non impact cardio and so be sure to check them out. They are linked directly and you can get a discount at artofcoaching.com/partners. Of course Momentous you can check out and you always save 25% By using code Brett 25 Saga, the developer, the world’s first wireless upper and lower limb blood flow restriction training. I’ve worked with military to athletes and celebrities. And one thing they all had in common is they need efficiency and they don’t always have access to heavy weights or great equipment. So being able to use blood flow occlusion training or blood flow restriction training is a very safe and effective way as long as you’re cleared by your doctor and medical professional to overload your muscles and even your cardiovascular system. So be sure to check them out as well. And of course LMNT the individuals that allow me to do this podcast without getting a horse or driveways. So please support all these individuals at artofcoaching.com/partners. 

 

Okay, one last piece, we are doing something special for the month of December, I am giving away signed copies of my book for an incredibly discounted price. We try to do this at the end of every year. We know people are always looking for something for Christmas, they’re looking for easy stocking stuffers. And we can offer this at a lot lower price than Amazon does. And they’re all signed. They’re all personalized. So if you want a signed and personalized copy of my best selling book conscious coaching, first off, I would be honored and I’m deeply appreciative. Second, just reach out to info@artofcoaching.com. Again for signed personalized, discounted copies on my book, info@artofcoaching.com And yes, this is me. I really sign it. We really personalize it if you go back in by social media, you’ll see time lapses in videos and things where it’s literally me and my wife signing them and shipping them out directly to you. Of course, we do this internationally as well, all those details will be passed on to you info@artofcoaching.com. And as always, a portion of those proceeds goes to the Alzheimer’s Association, or the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. So we’re deeply appreciative. 

 

Now, getting back to say you’re somebody, once again, that is interested in reaching out to an individual who you admire you respect that has helped you a lot, and you just want to help them, you want to help them in any way. And you may not even know what way you want to help them, but you’re trying to figure out the best way to reach out, alright, that’s where we’re going. So like I said, I changed some names, I changed some details here to protect privacy. But what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna read you the email that I was forwarded, and I have permission to do this, so don’t worry. And I’m gonna kind of dissect it with you guys, because that’s what we do a lot. Now we, we dissect interpersonal skills and coaching skills are gonna give you some things they did, right, some things they did wrong, and some principles, and then we’ll actually read you an example of what you could say, Okay. And also stay tuned to the end, because we’re gonna give you another website that you can go to have a resource where you can download this kind of stuff and get tons of examples. Because if you’re like me, that’s how you learn best. 

 

Okay. So I’m going to read you the email first that our coaching client had sent to me and asked for my feedback on, here we go. Good morning, Amelia. I’m reaching out to you today to see if I can be a part of the tremendous work you’re doing, and the solutions you are providing. If I’m being honest, I don’t really know all of the obstacles you might be facing. But if there’s any way I can help, I’d be really honored by the opportunity to be an asset. Everything about your past has inspired me in ways that are too great to put into words, Amelia, I started out bright eyed and bushy tailed in the medical profession, thinking our work would save countless lives, or at the very least help patients have better interactions with healthcare practitioners. But it seems like the longer I do this, the more transactional things get. And the more burnt out I feel. Your work, on the other hand has provided me with a sense of inspiration. And you are always incredibly transparent about the struggles you face along the way to the mission you adhere to. And that’s a little disjointed, right. So I apologize for that. I believe that nothing supersedes our sense of integrity and any service based profession. And that makes me even more grateful for the brand voice you have cultivated. More than anything. However, I’m just grateful for being able to get to know you more as a student and person, being a part of your mastermind call yesterday evening, inspired me to finally write this email to you. And I’ve been sitting on it for months. I hope you do not find my inquiry to be intrusive. I just wanted to express my sincere desire to be a part of your tremendous team. Thank you. 

 

Alright, so and then they signed off with their name, of course, that is the email that they sent to this individual. And they forwarded to me, and they said, Can you give me some feedback? Now I’m going to be frank with you guys. And this isn’t, I hope you don’t view me as petty. But obviously, I can’t change your opinion, you’re gonna think what you think one pet peeve of mine is when somebody sends me something and just says, Can I get your feedback? And I’m saying this to help you guys, because that is such a broad ask that is such a broad ask I have no idea. And I’m not being a smart aleck, when you send that to people, they don’t have any idea what you want feedback on. They don’t you know. And so, I had asked this individual at first, of course, they’re a coaching client of ours. And if you want to learn more about what we do with that, just go to artofcoaching.com/mentoring. And I just said, Sure, you know, but what areas of feedback are most helpful for you? Do you want me to get feedback on your voice and how well that came through in the email, that grammar because this was sent really aside from the Good morning part as one big paragraph, that clarity of the Ask the structure of the written communication, because the more I know, the more help I can be. And granted, this is something that even if you’re a client of mine, now I’m going to ask you, and so you’re gonna be like, Hey, that sounds like something you sent to me? Well, sure. If you just asked me for feedback, I need to get more specific. So I’m going to ask you those things. And that can be very overwhelming as a coach to even deal with that. Now, you can break up your feedback. I could certainly sit here and say, hey, that’s what I’m gonna go through with you guys. And that is one option. Another option is you know, you can kind of deep dive with some clarifying questions and say, hey, well, what was I’m happy to give you feedback. Tell me what was the goal. What do you think was the key message that came across here? Give me a examples of why you thought that message was unmistakable. Give me an example of where you thought your wording was very strong and where it could have been better, right? Like just kind of motivational interviewing to get a better idea of where they think they are. Because this is such a deep thing. Now, if I were going to do kind of a reaction video, and I’ve thought about doing those kinds of things, but if I was going to do kind of just a reaction of this, what I would say to people is, let’s deconstruct this, you know,

 

first of all, when you’re getting ready to write a message, you have to think what are all the things that could go wrong, and that actually guide you in how to create this better? And if, for example, what I mean by that is, let’s say you’re like, well, they could ignore the email. Okay, so they could ignore the email. So that said, you know, you need to have a catchy subject line. And we’ll go through examples in a moment, just stay with me, while I help you, because you can use this to diagnose some emails that you write, if you don’t want somebody to ignore it, especially somebody busy as this person, Amelia is, you need to have a sub subject line that gets right to it. I really don’t like it, when people even send me emails in the subject line is, can I get your opinion on this? I kind of been just like, I have no idea what to expect. Maybe I only have 10 minutes to check my email. And then I have this kind of cognitive dissonance where I really want to help this person, but they’re not helping me kind of task. orient myself of, can I get into this now? Or, you know, can I give a more thoughtful response later, somebody could also not know what you’re asking, right? So if you write an email, they may not be clear. And that’s very much the case with this. There’s no clear ask here. What there is, is a lot of compliments and compliments and compliments and compliments hedges and softeners things that we’ll talk about in a moment, and then kind of an opaque ask. And so that’s not clear. And that is eventually part of the responses individual got back. They got a response and basically said, Hey, I’m really deeply touched. Thanks for this. Thanks for that, admittedly, I’m not really sure what you’re saying or what you’re asking, we don’t have internships available. Are you saying you want are you trying to get a job, and then that frustrated our client, which is why she sought us out, because she’s like, I thought I asked. So we’ll talk about that more as well. 

 

So we know we need to have a catchy subject line and something that sticks, we know, we need to make sure we’re clear about it so that they don’t have ambiguity about what we’re asking. And then somebody could also let’s say, it went really poorly, they could think you’re rude. So of course, you need to be complimentary. And this individual did that really well. Perhaps too well, somebody could think you’re entitled, or you know that you could fix their problem without even demonstrating knowledge of what they do. And maybe you didn’t express humility. So let’s break this up. Let’s break this up piece by piece. So one of the core issues here, for sure, was that this person was so worried about coming off as polite and sharing their feelings. And they admitted as such, they admitted as much when we talk, they said, you know, listen, I just don’t want to be a bother. I admire this person. And I’m sure people ask them for things all the time. And I just really wanted to differentiate myself. So if we look at that first sentence, nothing’s wrong with the first sentence. Really, the first sentence was I’m reaching out to you today, to see if I can be a part of the tremendous work you’re doing in the solutions you’re providing. Well, there’s subtext there, even if I read that is saying, like, yeah, for me, I don’t know what you mean by to be a part of it. Are you wanting to intern? Are you volunteering? Are you looking for a job, and when you say the solutions I’m providing which ones you know, and I don’t have a huge company, but we have live events, we have online courses, we do the podcasts, we do so many different things, via multiple forms of media. I don’t know what somebody is, really asking. And they allude to as much after this, they said, If I’m being honest, I don’t really know the obstacles you might be facing. But if there is any way I can help, I’d be really honored by the opportunity to be an asset. So when I read things like this one, and I’ve had to get tougher on this over the years, so please just respect where I’m coming from with this. When somebody says they don’t know the obstacles that I’m facing. To me, it’s now saying you want me to solve your problem that I’m now supposed to, you know, tell you where we could use the most help yet, if you’ve really followed us for a while and you’re super interested in what we do, you should have pretty good insight into where maybe we could use help. And if you don’t want, you should have good insight into where you think you can be the most helpful. One big issue I made in the past as a mentor is, you know, I would people would say, Oh, if I can help if there’s anything I can do. So of course, we need help from everything from a research assistant to help with the podcasts, this and that. And then that person would just flounder and not really do well. And they’d be like, well, that’s not really you know, my strength. And I was like, okay, you know, kind of like Steve Jobs said, I don’t hire smart people so I can tell them what to do all the time. Of course my job is to guide mission and vision and we have standard operating procedures at art of coaching, but it’s my job to hire really smart people so they can even tell me what to do. 

 

So if you want to come Want to be a part of our team, whether it’s a volunteer, whether it’s an intern, whether it’s full time, you know, you should have a clear understanding of the obstacles we’re facing. Otherwise, what need Are you trying to fill, and then when you say, but if there’s any way I can help, that is well intentioned, but there are likely many ways you can help. But if I don’t know what your strengths are, and you haven’t prefaced, that, you’re kind of putting it on me, you know, you’re putting it on me to act like I know exactly where you should be suited, and most overwhelmed, you know, entrepreneurs, leaders, coaches, whatever are not are not just going to have this list of things. That yeah, I need help with all this and you seem like you could just jump into the deep end. So then, they go on to say everything about your past has inspired me in ways that are too great to put into words, Amelia. Now they knock some things out of the park, their use of a name is always great. You don’t want to overdo it. And they haven’t so far, they’ve said good morning, Amelia. And then they ended this sentence with it. It’s that old Dale Carnegie principle, everybody loves the sound of their own name. And it’s also just nice to kind of see somebody conveying respect. And that said, I started out bright eyed and bushy tailed in the medical profession thinking this thinking that, but it seems like I’m getting more burnout. Okay, I get some context. Amelia can relate to this, I’ve learned because it’s a big reason why she started her company. So this individual, our coaching client is spot on there. But then they go on to say, you know, your work provides me this sense of inspiration. You’re incredibly transparent. And then they go on a diatribe of saying I believe nothing supersedes our sense of integrity. Now, it’s kind of gotten away from the ask. So the Ask wasn’t clear to begin with. Now we had a compliment, and then a little bit of context sandwich in between of that person. And then it just goes on and on talking about their beliefs and all these things. And Amelia, you know, doesn’t have that much time to read this probably. I mean, I get the idea that  you like our work, you support it. And we’re grateful, I get a little bit more about you, but like get to the point. And that’s what you’ve got to think newspapers have to do. Websites have to do everything kind of eventually has to get to the point. 

 

And so this is where some people can run a miss. And it’s well intention is this politeness and we talked about this, we evaluated we just recently changed our evaluation at our communication workshops, the apprenticeship. And without a doubt, politeness is a core communication skill. As soon as we begin to learn language our parents teach us to say please, and thank you, and excuse me, and I’m sorry, it allows us to show human basic human decency and reaffirms a lot of things. But what can happen is sometimes people are so concerned with saving face, especially when reaching out to somebody they admire, they might feel like is not their superior, but you know, somebody that’s just down a path that maybe they want to go down and so they’re so worried about saving face, they overdo it on the politeness and then they cloud their ask. 

 

Now it is worth a moment to talk about what face work is, you know, this credit to Erving Goffman here face is one of the most important concepts in communication theory. And yes, I am talking about face like a mask of face. And really what it is, is this idea of face work is all about managing the impression others have of us. So Goffman, who introduced the concept of face work to modern audience is really defined it as the positive social value that we claim for ourselves when we act in a particular way in a social situation. So if I’m very complimentary, and a very polite upfront, you know that is face work, we’re feeling like yeah, like, we think that we are being honorable. And we think that we are doing the right thing here. So sometimes when people’s message isn’t received a certain way, Goffman would talk about it like they had, you know, people would get mad or we’d get upset, because we kind of had this spoiled identity, we thought we were coming across this way. But either because we didn’t get that opportunity or somebody got offended, that didn’t happen. And so then that kind of creates an issue, in essence, and there’s this old Sesame Street clip where this guy has a little kid say that he has him repeated, I am somebody and it was this kind of call and response chant that the individual used when he was speaking to young people, I believe it was like Reverend Jesse Jackson, right. And it was all around the idea. This was like a long time ago, maybe the 80s in an effort to bolster their self worth. But that’s what any of us do with face wear anything that we try to do, to present ourselves in the best light, being polite, trying to dress a certain way trying to look a certain way, you know, physically so I think of a lot of strength coaches that you know them even trying to look fit and in shape is a form of face work. It’s all impression management. It is all how we change ourselves and try to manipulate in a good way. I mean, if you’re doing it ethically, people’s impression of ourselves. 

 

So in this case, this has gone so overboard with politeness, because it’s one. Now some of you might be saying, well, I don’t really think it’s overboard with politeness. I’m asking you guys to consider, you know, as somebody, and many of you get way more than me, but I can get over 100 emails a week. And so if all of a sudden, there’s two to three paragraphs that don’t get to the point, it’s not that I’m so self important that I’m not going to read it. But it’s like, I’ve got to manage that time. I’m a father, I’m a small business owner. And so I, you know, I, there’s a way to be polite. And we’ll give you an example and still get to the point. So we’re not really going to debate about it on this podcast, I just want you to understand that when you’re five sentences in, then you haven’t made a clear ask, and that’s the point of the email, that becomes an issue. 

 

All right. So then we look at that we’re now in what should be paragraph three. But it’s all put together more than anything. However, I’m just grateful for being able to get to know you more as a student and a person. Another compliment, being a part of your mastermind call yesterday evening inspired me to write this email. I’ve been sitting on it for months. Got it? We got it. But like now you’ve written the email, what’s the deal? I hope you don’t find my inquiry to be intrusive. Remember, there is yet to be a question mark in this. So there’s no formal inquiry. And then it ends, I just wanted to express my sincere desire to be a part of your already tremendous team. So to consolidate this, we have a well intentioned email. But it is all essentially one paragraph, a series of compliments any of us asked, and the only even pseudo ask was, if I’m being honest, I don’t know the obstacles you may be facing. But if there is any way I can help, I’d be honored by the opportunity to be an asset. Now, I very much realized that I can sit here and dissect this and give you my reaction. But without providing a counter example. It means nothing. One of the most let me think about a phrase is one of the most effective ways to persuade somebody or to teach somebody is through the use of contrast. And this is something that work of Robert Cialdini, professor emeritus at Arizona State University talks about ad nauseam, we all can make better choices when we’re able to contrast those choices with something else. So here was our take. 

 

Now, unfortunately, we live in the world of disclaimers, guys, I am not saying that this email example of which I helped my client create is the one you should use. Just like no medication is for everybody. No one workout is for everybody. We are not in the business of getting a one size fits all answers. That is not what we are trying to do. Okay, so please, please, please do not say, hey, Bret, I copied and pasted that email. It didn’t work for me. As a matter of fact, somebody got angry at me that, frankly, will be on you. But I’m going to read this. And then we’re going to go through some key principles, and then we’ll get you on your way. Okay. So, with our coaching, this is how we restructured it, subject line. Now I forgot to tell you, the previous subject line was sharing my admiration, this subject line is returning the favor and inspired to help returning the favor and inspired to help. An alternative that we came up with together was thank you and an offer to extend a helping hand. Right then lets me know, the main thing is it’s a great newspaper headline, it gives me an idea of what to expect within the email. And that is what we need, we need to give them an idea of what to expect, because it meta communicates how they should receive the message. 

 

All right. So here we go. Good morning, Amelia. I hope this correspondence finds you well. Given your exceptionally busy schedule, I will get right to the point to honor your time. Great. I’ve been polite. I hope this finds you. Well. Good morning. you’ve acknowledged this individuals got a busy schedule. And then you’ve acknowledged that you know, you want to honor their time. That’s huge. That right there lets me know that somebody is an adult, that you know, they’re not ready to just and again, if you think I’m being hard, I’d urge you to consider there are some people in my profession and I’m essentially a nobody with this stuff. There are times I get eight to 15 Paragraph emails, and there’s no you don’t even know how to respond and then you feel like you’re failing somebody, but they’re not really setting you up for success. Though it may not seem like much to you, our prior conversations have always left me inspired and looking for more ways to improve both personally and professionally. Great compliment. Now, the unique manner in which you have approached your career specifically as it pertains to how you navigated the complexities of our field and built a brand that is authentic, helpful and practical. have made Meet get more clear on my own approach and goals to the future. Given this, I’m humbly submitting my desire to join your team in any capacity in which you and your team may need extra support. The last thing I want to do is ask you, how can I help, which I know could put an unfair burden on you to try to find a place of best fit with limited context and somebody you don’t know deeply. So for your convenience, I put some of my strengths below and submitted a more official document detailing my technical expertise, what I believe I could bring to the table, and an example of my work in your online form. The bottom line, Amelia is that I’m willing to jump in and get my hands dirty in the areas that cause you the most headaches. And I’d love to learn more about what they are. So I don’t seem presumptuous is such an opportunity is not available at this time. I certainly understand. In that case, thank you in advance for considering this request. And know that I am forever grateful for the time and resources you shared with respect, Charlie

 

Now, you should already understand why this is different. But I under I want to make sure we go through it. So at the beginning, it seems pretty similar. But the subject line is already really clear. It gives them an idea of what to expect. We did the Good morning, we acknowledge a busy schedule, we’ve shown empathy. And then we’ve said hey, this is how your work has inspired me. And then you are specific, because there are people that will reach out that will butter you up. It happens all the time guys, and it’s kind of made me disenchanted to the human race. I will get people that cold DM that are like Hey, Coach, really admire your work. Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. And then I’m like, cool, you know, and I’m seeking honest feedback. So I’m like, if you don’t mind me asking, like what in particular has struck a chord with you. And then they respond back? Oh, just kind of like, you know, everything. And then I can kind of catch them lying in this. And I’ll say, Well, can you give me a little like, give me some more detail. I’m trying to get better as well. I want to get to know you. What problems have you faced? And then eventually, sometimes the truth will come out? Oh, well, really, I just kind of follow you on Instagram. And guys, I’m grateful for every follower supporter, I get on that. But, that doesn’t really say that, you know, my work. If you follow me on Instagram, on Instagram, I show who I am as like a person and a coach. But we don’t give, you know, super technical breakdowns on Instagram, because that’s not the medium. But in this case, you know, they said, Hey, your work has helped me grow personally and professionally, specifically as it pertains to how you navigate the complexities of the field and built a brand, right, so boom, that’s how this person has helped. And then it said, the end, they spaced this out, I’m humbly submitting my desire to join your team, in any capacity you or your team might find need extra support. The last thing I want to do is ask you, how can I help, which I know could put an unfair burden. And then they go on to say that they gave them a very clean breakdown of their thematic areas of expertise. Contrast that with the earlier message, which pretty much just said, I’m reaching out to see if I can be a part of the tremendous work you’re doing and the solutions you’re providing. And then they said, I don’t know the obstacles you’re facing. But if there’s any way I can help, 

 

Remember, the goal is to make it easy for the other person to say yes, the goal is to make it easy for the other person. So let them know who you are your strengths and what areas you’re locked into. Then they had another space well written, so it’s easy to read the bottom, if there was any confusion whatsoever, it says the bottom line is I’m willing to jump in and get my hands dirty in the areas that cause you the most headaches. And then they expressed the desire to learn more about what those are. So they’re not presumptuous. Right. So they finalize it by saying they removed any guilt, Amelia might feel if there is no openings, or she’s out of bandwidth by saying, Hey, I get it, if there’s no opportunity. In that case, Thanks for considering this. And I’m grateful. And that is something I can speak to for sure. I almost feel like if somebody reaches out to help or do that, and I say, hey, you know, I’m just kind of trying to keep my head above water. Right now we’re kind of in the middle of a busy season. I always feel like they’re going to feel offended. And sometimes the answer is just like I’m trying to tell you, I wouldn’t be a good leader to you right now, if you joined our team, and we’re trying to kind of do the best we can at the moment. So, you know, just it would mean a lot if you just get that keep supporting don’t take it personally because believe it or not guys, the opposite has happened. I’ve had people get very, very angry. If we tell them there’s no internships at the moment or the I mean, they just get angry, you know, and that right then it’s like really like you’re really you’re willing to burn that bridge. Just because we’re saying we don’t have this opportunity at the moment. It’s almost like you take it personally. So there’s a lot of pieces and one I hope you also understand is when they said you know I’ve also submitted things to your website. One thing I cannot make clear enough to you guys, especially in this generation is not everybody checks their DMS, not everybody always checks their emails for people like me that are very, very easily distractible, you have to sometimes really budget your time. Like right now while I’m working on my next book and my doctorate. I’m not checking my email any more than once a week. And sometimes less than that. Also have some folks that reach out for speaking requests or other things via DM. And they think I’m ignoring them guys, remember, and please hear this, I’m gonna pause for a moment.

 

People have websites for a reason. They’re trying to systematize the interactions so that you can get more direct service. So whether it’s my speaking like literally, brettbartholomew.net slash speaking, or you can find it out of coaching, if it’s resources, if you’re trying to invite me to be on your podcast, if you know somebody that should be on our podcast, all of these things are on artofcoaching.com. And we will always get them because they go to our executive assistants inbox, and we’re gonna get them at but if you’re just waiting on me to reply to your DM, guys, think about how many people on you know social media right now are always like, Oh, you, you know you need to have a healthy attitude on social media work life balance this and that. But then they vilify you, if you don’t read every day, I don’t read every DM I cannot, I just can’t. So go to the website, go to artofcoaching.com. And fill that out are for the person that you admire, go to their website, they have forms, they have these things and they want to help you, we all want to help you. That’s why we spend 1000s of dollars on these websites. I know that sounds rude, but I’m just trying to help some of you grow. Some of you will reach out and DMS and have all these FAQs and all this. And those things are just at the website. And then you get mad when you get sent to the website. Be a professional, you have got to do that. And that’s what this individual did, Charlie, she was a professional, she honored Amelia time, she then submitted via the website and did a truncated version and the email, very quick, very clean, very easy. Very, very, very professional. 

 

Okay, some other tips. And these are going to be some general tips. Now if you want to check the URL here, I always want to make sure that I give you guys accurate information. Just give me a moment, this is how you know it’s real time and not scripted, right? If you go to artofcoaching.com/findamentor, artofcoaching.com/findamentor, you will get a guide. And the guide even includes canned emails, and I’m not I’m not telling you send these emails out as is you need to adapt them, you need to personalize them. But if you’re like me, you really value a visible visual, a visual and visible. So that’s my own word visible example. But you’ve got to be able to do these things, otherwise, you’re gonna get ignored. And it’s not an age thing. It’s not a generation thing. It’s not an intelligence thing. It’s just an awareness and a communication thing it is. So remember, if I can consolidate this when you prepare to reach out to somebody, do your research, do your research. Few things are as frustrating to a prospective mentor as somebody that reaches out and isn’t clear on an ask, or you know, ask questions that have already been answered or addressed multiple times in their previous work sometimes even in their blog, or their free resources section on their website, which is again, while I’m trying to inculcate it, go to artofcoaching.com is your directory. And it’s always better there than to reach out to me on email or DM and same with everybody else. That’s why they’ve spent all their own time and their money creating these choose an appropriate medium. Given the rise of social media and the near instant access we have to one another, it is very common to think that somebody’s just going to always check their tweets, their DMS, their, LinkedIn, and then you get in your feelings when they don’t. Do not assume. Give people grace, go to your website, there are times where I don’t check my social media for six days. I need a break. I’m a dad, you know, like I want to be a good person, not just a great professional. Make sure you spell their name correctly. 

 

My God, and I don’t really care what any of you say about this one? I do not. I understand the reality of autocorrect errors. I feel like I have to apologize to Kendall, a new member of our team constantly because my autocorrect always wants to make her name k e n d a l l even though it is e l l that will happen. So I’m not talking about autocorrect issues. But when people reach out to me and it’s like Brett with one T Yeah, I’m sorry it matters because if you want to come in In my organization, and serve others, you need to be detail oriented. If you cannot even spell my name correctly, and you do it multiple times, one time, you get a pass multiple times, you’re just not paying attention. And if you can’t pay attention to that, what else you’re not going to pay attention to. And you think that’s crazy. Go read the story about and we’ve talked about on this podcast before Van Halen and their brown m&m claws. It had nothing to do with them being megalomaniacs. It had everything to do that if if they couldn’t, if a venue couldn’t get the smallest detail and something that easy, right? How are they going to handle the setup of complex pyrotechnics, your professionalism speaks in many avenues. I remember that. And I’ve been guilty of this as well. There’s time where I reached out to somebody I admire via my phone via DM and I shouldn’t have it can because autocorrect created typos. And then I just looked like an idiot. And I was embarrassed. I’m trying to save you. And then be clear about the ask if it is not clear. If you haven’t bookended it at the beginning and at the end in very, very, very specific language. And you have not made it easy for them to understand and easy to say yes, you have got to work it again. Right? Think of the one one run approach, right? Explaining what you’re looking for and what type of guidance you should be able to kind of run yourself through a test. Could you do it in one paragraph one sentence in one word. And that’s, just giving you an example, guys, were saying you’ve got to make it very clear. Respect their time, keep it simple, so on and so forth. And triple check your spelling and grammar, you guys can go to grammarly.com. And it’s a free grammar thing like that doesn’t take much time. That doesn’t take much time. And it can make all the difference in the world. So always think about what are the bones of this thing? What are the bones of it? Reach out, I remember one time I reached out to a coach I made, I made sure the intro was complimentary I offered to pay for their time I acknowledged their previous work. And then I gave this specific question. There are four parts to that. There were four parts of that that were locked in. And you have to remember that if people can’t understand what you’re saying, they’re going to read the subtext. And now it’s open to I’m sorry, it’s open to misinterpretation, if you’re so worried about buttering them up and making sure they feel like you’re respected, or you’re respectful, and they’re likeable, and all that, but you don’t have an ask, they can’t help you. And more importantly, now you’re out of their inbox, they don’t have time. And then when they see your name, again, you’re just gonna be like, 

 

so what can you do, if you’ve already written a bogus email, give it some time. And then just say, you know, follow up, and I’m going off the cuff here, right? So, but give it some time, and then just say, hey, blank, admittedly, my last email was a little indirect. I’d be lying, if I said, I wasn’t a bit nervous. Here’s the core of what I was asking. I admire what you do, I’d love to be a part of it in any capacity. Here are some areas that are my strengths. It doesn’t mean I’m above learning anything else, I’m willing to get in on the ground floor, boom, and hit it. And I’d say the only last thing guys, I can say is be very upfront about what you want. Other than that, and I’ll give you an example. We’ve had people reach out saying they wanted to volunteer, and they use that term. And they’ve said they don’t worry, they’re not worried about pay, they’re not worried about this, some of them had other jobs. And then all of a sudden, you know, like, maybe they volunteered five to 10 hours a week, or something like that. And then you know, we hear from them, and they’re like, Well, I want to start getting paid for this. Well, that’s not a great ask, if you’ve said I volunteer, I don’t care about pay, and then you’ve done something for about a month. And then now you’re demanding back pay. And believe it or not, this has happened, it’s happened multiple times, you have to be very, very clear. And you have to understand people are gonna hold you at their word. We do paid internships, we absolutely do paid internships certain times a year, I am not going to do a paid internship, if you’re just reaching out saying, Hey, man, would love to be a part of this great, tell me how to sell me on the vision that you have tell me and other business owners like me how you’re going to make our life easier? Why you think that’s relevant, and why you’re the right person for the job. That’s what I want to know. I want to know why you want to be a part of it. Why you think we need that help? And then why you’re the right person for the job. Yeah, that’s it. And then I want to know, do you expect to be paid or do you not? And then you need to have the professionalism to know that if we’re not in a position we’re doing paid in terms of the time when we say no, can’t get in your feelings, don’t burn your bridges. And if we can understand that guys paid internships, we’re not Microsoft, we’re not an NFL team. We’re not that, you know, like paid internships, you’re gonna get paid maybe anywhere from 10 to $15 an hour, like we’re a small business and that’s going to be dependent on what goes on. 

 

So, just remember, all it takes is one little miscommunication and you can hurt your reputation, you can hurt relationships, you get hurt your chance. says there have been people that have gotten so mad that I’ve reached out to other friends of mine where you know, they weren’t taken on or they weren’t this and they just lost it and guess what, they ruin that connection for the rest of their life? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Think long term. 

 

Alright, like I said until next time guys focus on this communication is a skill it will impact every area of your life. Remember discounted copies of my book for the month of December only email info@artofcoaching.com this does apply internationally as well. They will be signed by me they will be personalized by me. I have awful handwriting is getting a little bit better. You know, but we will do this. You know we love you guys. We appreciate you. We value you and frankly we need your support. Right there’s no shame in admitting that. Brett Bartholomew and the rest of the Arctic coaching team signing off.